Sunday, December 10, 2006

The first plunge

I've written of that very first meeting between Sir and I. Next weekend it will be a year since I took the first plunge into this amazing world and truly began my journey into my submission. I've been working on this on and off all year. I hear from Sir from time to time, and he still allows me to call him Sir. But I do not know where this will go or if I will ever be able to serve him again. Gods how I long to, to make that journey up the stairs, locking the world out behind me. To strip off everything of the outer me and kneel naked and whole, waiting for him. Maybe someday ....

But here is the story of that first plunge and discovery of all of me.

I'd been reading the rules almost obsessively for two days now. God, I wanted to do this right. I didn't want to give him any cause for being displeased with me. I had no idea how I'd react to punishment, but worse, what if he sent me away?

What to wear? Sir had said I was to strip as soon as I walked in the door, but would he be there? Would he watch me take my clothes off? I sat in the tub, trying to shave myself with shaking hands. Time and again, I ran my fingers over myself. Was I smooth enough? Damn this shaving myself thing was hard when smoothness mattered, not just me being comfortable. Finally, I was dressed. I was far too keyed up to eat. What time was it? I've got to be out the door early. I didn't know how long it would take to get to his house, and I did not want a paddling like that picture. Don't forget the toiletries bag!

In the car, I had to set the cruise control to avoid speeding. I'd read the directions so many times, I had them memorized. I kept checking the printout, just in case. My brain was in such a whirl. Dear god was I actually doing this? I really was driving to the home of a man I'd met once, where I was going to give up control to him. In my head, he was just Sir. Everytime we talked, I was so incredibly turned on. I desperately hoped I wasn't making some terrible mistake.

I'd arrived. There was the big white house with the scaffolding, just as he'd said. I managed to find a parking space, and even one that didn't require me to parallel park! I was early, thank goodness. Now I had to decide when I should go up. Best to only be about 5 minutes early, I decided.

Sitting in the car, music still going from the iPod, I began trembling again. Oh god, I was really going to do this. I was going to go upstairs, take off all my clothes, and let Sir do pretty much whatever he wanted to me (within the limits we'd talked about). Could I do this? Was I crazy to want this so badly? I had my safecall set up. I'd liked him immediately, and somehow, I trusted him. I wanted this too much to back out now. I got out of the car.

I struggled to lock the front door and began to worry that I'd end up late somehow. How strict was Sir about that? Would he be watching the clock, waiting to catch me late? In hindsight, this thought makes me giggle, but it worried me then! Up the stairs to the next door, that one carefully locked behind me. I stopped at the landing with the rug to remove my shoes. Up the stairs to his door. There was a note on the door: "Welcome Whore, come in and kneel on the X." But he'd said to knock twice and he'd tell me to come in ... I decided to hedge my bets and knocked as well. A terrible pause and then I heard his voice, telling me to come in.

I walked through door, hardly able to breathe for the tension that almost overwhelmed me. I shut and locked the door behind me. It was a small room, but clean and comfy. Sir was nowhere in sight. There was the X in the center of the floor. Shaking, I set my bag down next to the door. I didn't want to delay at all, just in case it would anger or annoy him. I kept running over the rules in my head, desperately hoping I wouldn't commit some terrible fault and forget one. Shirt off, bra off, jeans off. Here we go! Slowly, my trembling hands pushed my panties down my legs. I stepped out of them. Socks! Well, my feet would be icicles, but better that than to displease him by leaving anything on.

I felt vaguely as though I were seeing through water. I could hardly breathe, could hardly focus, I just did what I needed to. It was time. Crap! Which direction to face? There were toys laid out on the coffee table and floor, so I decided to face those. I carefully knelt on the X, opened my knees ("never close or cross your legs in my presence"), and shook. God I was so turned on and so scared all at the same time. That I had no idea what was going to happen tonight just upped the intensity. My mind was a tumbled tangle of thoughts, images, things we'd talked about.

I looked around the room a bit. It was sparse, but very clean. I remembered his story of moving to El Salvador for a brief time, so that made sense. My eyes kept scanning over the toys laid out in front of me. A riding crop! Oh lord, what if he wanted to use that? Cuffs, blindfolds, other toys I can't really remember, all seemed to stare back at me. My brain seemed to running about 500 miles a minute, trying to anticipate what would happen, but there wasn't enough data.

Suddenly, Sir was there! His hand gripped my hair wonderfully tightly, and that stern voice said, "You're early, Whore." His hand pulled my head back, and oh god that kiss! So powerful, so possessive, simply taking what he wanted. Suddenly everything clarified. This was what I wanted. This was where I needed to be. This was my place. He released me, and a small part of my brain frantically reminded me: the feet! For god's sake, don't forget to kiss his feet! I slid my knees yet further apart and bent over to gently kiss each foot.

I straightened up and there it was. His wonderfully hard cock. I'd been treasuring the memory of it in my mouth from that first meeting. How it felt, how it tasted, how I loved having it in my mouth. The voice again, "Suck it." I reached for his cock to guide it into my mouth, but stopped short when the stern voice demanded to know if he'd told me to use my hands. Okay, that will be new, but I can do that. Carefully, my mouth took him in. Remembering what I'd learned in the past, I made sure to use my tongue lots, desperately hoping I wasn't too bad at this. A. had said that I was fantastic, but ....

His hands were in my hair, pushing me further down on his cock. Breathe, relax, you can do this. Good lord I had! The pressure let up, allowing me to back off (breathe through your nose now) and begin again. Then his hands were back, pushing, forcing me further. There went the gag reflex and that awful noise! Wow, he actually liked that! What's he saying? mmmm ... "Good Whore, choking on cock." I have no idea how long I knelt there with his cock in my mouth, alternating between Sir in total control and giving me a moment to breathe and do it on my own. I loved every moment of it.

"Lick my ass, Whore" With hardly a thought, I did so. Damn, he's spotlessly clean! Somehow, that realization made it much easier to relax and go with things. Realizing that he certainly seemed to be enjoying himself spurred me on to great efforts. I did wish that I dared use my hands to make things easier. Sir's voice washed over me, giving me such delightfully nasty feedback.

Kneeling before his recliner, he reached for a container. "Let's try some nipple torture, shall we?" Finally, I was going to know what nipple clamps felt like. The ones he chose had rings hanging off them. Pinching, pulling at my nipples, then the bite of clamps on my tender, sensitive nipples. I inhaled sharply, exhaled, and realized that wasn't as bad as I was expecting. Then the camera came into view. Another deep breath, and I knelt with my back as straight as possible. For the first time, someone else had taken a picture of me naked. His hand reached out and flicked the rings; one clamp slid off. I was strangely disappointed when Sir removed the other clamp.

"I believe your profile mentioned you liked phallic gags?" That grin nearly took my breath away, especially when combined with the knowledge that he'd not only read my profile but paid attention. That incredible eye contact was back. Part of me wanted to look away, to protect myself, but the need to be open, to let him in was overwhelming. The buckle was secured. Now came the bit that let me know I was truly safe and okay. Not only did he carefully make eye contact as he explained the safe signals, he even moved my hand to display them. Then it was my turn to make sure I knew what they were.

The porn movie behind us had been playing throughout, subtly reinforcing the intense sexuality of it all. Carefully, I sat in front of the recliner, grateful for the opportunity to be off my knees and restore circulation to my feet. Don't forget, keep the legs open! Legs spread wide, I waited. I had not expected the gentle touches, fingers in my hair, petting, soothing. It was so much to take in. Staring at the screen, his voice behind me, quiet, firm, mesmerizing, telling me to watch the woman onscreen take cock after cock so incredibly deep in her throat, that someday that would be me, and that was what I wanted, wasn't it?

His hands came down to my nipples, rolling, pinching, oh god it felt so good! That first tingle of pain/pleasure was electric. Then the intensity increased with short, sharp slaps to my breasts; a strange new heat spread through me. The wave of humiliation and heat combined that swept over me when Sir began spitting on my breasts was overwhelming. I felt as though I'd been marked as his. Throughout it all, the gag was a constant reminder of my submission and the surrender of my control.

Back on my knees, his cock back in my mouth, all felt right in my world. Through my closed eyelids the flash was startling. Pictures. It was as though the flash went straight to my now very wet cunt. There was documentation of me being a shameless whore, and that turned me on incredibly. Part of me was also thrilled that Sir wanted to take pictures of me. His hand was in my hair, holding me in various poses for pictures that I desperately hoped would please him. After all, wasn't this why I'd made sure to apply the lipstick that didn't come off? Then the command, "Look at me, Whore." The little red light on the camera told me he was taking video of me. "You like looking up at the camera while you suck cock, don't you, Whore?" Entranced, my mouth still full of his cock, I nodded. "Don't you, Whore?!" Daring, I backed off to say, "Yes Sir."

The freedom was intoxicating. For so long, I'd afraid to completely let loose with my sexuality; how would I be perceived if I truly displayed the depth of my desires? Here and now, that was wanted, even demanded. Here, I would be praised and complimented for being a wanton whore. I loved it.

Sir ordered me onto my back with my legs spread wide for him. Standing above me, he spit down on me again. Again, that amazing, twisted combination of humiliation and desire ran through me. Then, that touch of tenderness, as he laid a blanket out on the floor and ordered me onto it. "On your back, whore."

As he settled himself between my legs, I felt so open to him, so vulnerable, yet comfortable and safe. I kept my eyes on him, watching this man who was no longer a stranger. He was Sir, the man who could make me feel things I'd never imagined. Then I felt the cool wetness of lube at my asshole. Something smooth and hard pushed against my hole. I relaxed while desperately hoping my ass was clean inside too. The plug slid in easily, as it was thin and an easy one for my very first experience of a butt plug. A few thrusts with that one, and Sir eased it out of my ass.

More lube was applied to my ass, and then I felt a distinctly larger plug push against my asshole. Remembering what I had read, and my limited experience with ass play, I breathed deeply and worked to relax. Carefully, I pushed back against the plug. It stretched me, but not unbearably. As Sir worked the plug in and out of my ass, I felt so opened, so impaled, but it felt so good. Finally, the plug was fully seated in my ass.

Then I felt the dildo pushing into my cunt. I was beginning to ride high on all these sensations. Sir fucked the dildo in and out of my cunt, telling me to look up at the TV and watch the whore get her ass fucked. I craned my neck to see. Rapidly, I was approaching orgasm. I tried to control my breathing. Finally, I begged to come. The dildo was yanked out of my cunt and Sir sternly told me no. I struggled for a moment and then relaxed. This was the point at which it really slammed home that I was there for his pleasure, not mine. Somehow, that settled me and gave me peace.

Sir adjusted himself between my legs carefully. I felt his cock just at the entrance to my cunt. I was momentarily confused when he stopped, reached down for my hands, and told me to sit up. I grasped his hands, pulled myself up, and gasped as his cock slid into my cunt for the first time, pressing against the plug filling my ass. Briefly, I was allowed to savor the feeling of his cock filling my cunt, and then I was laid back down.

Shifting, Sir began to fuck me in earnest. My brain was whirling with all the sensation. I was being fucked so wonderfully, so hard, and with a plug still in my ass! My eyes were closed as I reveled in the feelings. Sir ordered me to open my eyes and look at him. I looked into his eyes and nearly drowned. Then he ordered me to open my mouth. Confused, I obediently did so. My brain simply stopped as Sir spit down into my mouth and ordered me to swallow. I did and reeled at the tangled mixture of humiliation and arousal.

Three times I didn't think I could hold out any longer and asked to be allowed to cum. Each time, Sir would instantly stop fucking me and tell me no. The last time he said I needed to learn patience and that this wasn't about me. I focused on breathing slowly, feeling everything, and not letting myself go over the edge. I was becoming lost in this effort when Sir leaned over and for the first time, whispered in my ear, "Cum, whore!" Almost instantly, I stopped resisting and gave into all the sensations and came and came and came. Sir never stopped fucking me and it was so incredible.

Finally, Sir pulled out of my cunt, while I laid there and tried to breath again. He gently helped me to sit up and held me for a bit while I came down to earth a bit. Looking me in the eye, he asked if I was ready for more. Softly, I whispered, "Yes Sir." Sir helped me to my feet, as my legs were a bit shaky. He decided that it was time to show his whore off on cam. My stomach twisted with excitement and fear. As we began to walk down the hall, Sir grinned and said there was one more task first.

In the center of the hall was a huge dildo, set upright. Sir waved towards it and told me that first, I had to fuck myself on the dildo and he was going to take pictures. I tried to kneel down on it, but I could not get far enough down to really do it. I thought for a brief moment, decided to use the half-crossed position I'd used as a high school cheerleader. With Sir behind me with the camera, I lowered my cunt onto the dildo. I fucked myself a few times, holding at various points so Sir could take a picture. I was amazed that it fit and even more amazed at how hot it made me to be doing this just so Sir could take pictures.

Then I was kneeling before his chair, naked, with a plug in my ass, with a web cam pointed at me. Yet all I could think about was sucking his cock as best as I could. I took him as deep as I could, and the angle let me get more of Sir's cock this time. I simply gave myself over to my task. Looking back, I can see that this was my introduction to just worshipping his cock.

I focused on using my tongue, and I tried the trick I'd used with A. I rippled my tongue as though I were triple-tonguing the flute I played in school. I was rewarded with a moan of pleasure from Sir. My feet were going numb, and I shifted, trying to get better circulation. I didn't want to stop what I was doing, so I didn't say anything. Finally, Sir ordered me to play with myself, to make myself cum while I sucked his cock. I was so wet, so turned on, that despite the distraction of my feet and the need to continue to suck, it didn't take long at all until I came again.

Eventually, Sir ordered me to kneel a bit further from his chair and to look up at him. I looked up at him, so strong, so stern, so wonderful. Sir was jacking his cock, pointed at my face, and suddenly I realized I was about to get my first facial. "Close your eyes!" he ordered. I did. I heard his breathing change, and then I felt it. So hot on my skin, that smell of sex and man, so yummy. I really wanted to open my mouth and taste his cum, but I hadn't been told to, so I didn't. I was filled with peace and joy. I'd finally begun my journey of submission, and it was even better than I'd dreamed. "Stay there," I heard him say, followed by the camera opening. From the picture Sir sent me afterwards, I know that the peace and joy showed on my face.

Sir had managed not to hit my eyes, so he soon told me to open my eyes. I did, and looked up at him, trying to say with my eyes what I could not find words to speak. He smiled at me and told me to clean up my tits. I carefully ran my finger along one, scooping up the cum and looked straight at him as I put it in my mouth and savored the taste of him. I cleaned up a bit more, and he handed me a towel to remove the rest. I almost didn't want to do it.

Next, I was told to come next to his chair. I sat down with my legs spread (never close or cross your legs) while my feet slowly came back to life and the plug pressed into my ass. Sir downloaded the pictures he'd taken and the video and showed them to me. I'm sure I was blushing everywhere as I watched myself be such a wanton whore, but it turned me on all over again. He went on to show me many pictures he'd taken or that he liked. We got to the pictures of girls being pissed on again. I couldn't take my eyes off them, wondering if that was in store for me yet tonight.

Sir helped me to my feet, and explained that he wasn't going to take things any further on this night. He knew it was a relatively tame scene, but he wanted my introduction to be gradual. I relaxed, no longer fearing that I had displeased him. He told me I could go get in the shower, and to take the butt plug out there. When I removed it, I was startled by the size of it. "That was in my ass?!" I heard Sir chuckle.

Clean and out of the shower, I wasn't sure what to do, but I went looking for Sir. I was still naked, as my clothes were still by the front door. I found him in his bedroom, where there were still more toys laid out on the bed. We embarked on what I have always thought of as the tour of the toy box. Part of me was frankly frightened at what I saw -- canes, floggers, paddles, even an actual whip! Sir explained what each one was and gave a brief idea of what it felt like.

He held a flogger out for me to feel, and I was amazed by how soft the leather was. I was standing partially turned away from him, and he gave me a gentle tap on the ass with the flogger. I startled, gasped, and then controlled myself, letting my breath out slowly. This happened with a few more toys, and then Sir startled me by saying he thought I'd like a bit of sting. I'm sure my eyes were saucers as I asked why he said that. He carefully explained that it was my body language and the way I'd controlled my breathing. Suddenly, I felt like the last wall within myself had tumbled down. Even that most secret longing, to know what pain/pleasure was like, that was visible to him.

As I drove home, I was filled with conflicting emotions. I was amazed at all I had experienced and how comfortable I was with all of it. Had I been good enough? Would he want to play again? Why would he want to play with a chubby newby with lots of things she didn't want to do. But oh I longed to do it again. I knew that my life had changed forever. This was not just a fantasy in my brain, this was who I was.