Fortunately, I was able to talk to him online last night and got some clarification. The one thing I desperately needed to hear and heard was that yes, we are definitely more than casual play partners. On the balance side, he needs to draw a line at much more emotional involvement than we have now. I think this is more as a protection for himself, and that is certainly something I can respect.
I think that for him, taking things further to collaring and/or more of an everyday relationship involves more control when I'm not with him. To Sir, that's interfering with my primary relationship with L. One of the things I value highly about Sir is that he has a deep respect that L truly comes first in my life. Knowing that I'm not going to end up pushed to sideline her makes it much easier for me to let go and trust him. This is a very very good thing.
I'm feeling a bit bittersweet still. It is so good to know explicitly that this intensity of emotions is not one-sided. Yet, I've had it confirmed once again that I will never be able to wear his collar, that he will never consider me truly his. As I was rather fond of saying to a friend of mine, "welcome to the HARD part of poly." Learning to walk that line and understand that you won't be able to have everything you want in a relationship has not been easy for me.
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3 comments:
I'm so glad you posted this follow up! I was worried after the last post, cause that's exactly what the domly one pulled just before he dumped me, so I didn't even want to comment until I heard it all.
Damn, that communication is so vital, especially in a d/s relationship, and especially long distance.
OK, I meant to say especially in anything resembling poly, but I got ahead of myself.
I'm so happy you got to talk it through with him! Even when it's not exactly what you want, there is a comfort in knowing exactly where you stand. You know that he cares, and that is SO important.
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