Displayed

My mind keeps returning to how I felt having my nicely striped ass displayed at the workshop last week. While in several ways it was humiliating, it was also very hot. What is interesting to me is how reassuring it is becoming.

I get insecure very easily. I am all too aware of my faults, my neediness, my constant need for reassurance. I let that insecurity kill my last relationship; it became an excuse to pull away, shelter myself, hide again. When I pulled away, he assumed my interest had gone. I vowed never to allow that to happen again.

The simple fact that Sir wanted people to see [I]me[/I], to display [I]me[/I], has become very reassuring to me. I am oddly proud of that. It is also hard to believe that it truly happened.

Even as I stood there, bent over with my skirt flipped up, I settled into a quiet pride and a determination to stand there until told otherwise. It made me squirm inside, yet it also made me stand tall (while bent over!).

This has been another difficult week. The schedules are getting more difficult. It has been very hard to redirect myself to positive thoughts, to focusing on honouring the bond. I miss him, I long for him, for the peace I feel kneeling and waiting for him. It will happen; I only hope it is soon.