What an amazing journey

Six months ago tonight, for the very first time, I climbed the steps to Sir's home. I could hardly breathe and I trembled as I read the note left for me on the door, "Welcome Whore, come in and kneel on the X." With a deep breath, I opened the door. For the first time, I removed all my clothing, carefully placing it next to the door. Shaking, I knelt on the X, facing the coffee table with various toys displayed on it. What shook me the most was that I had no idea where this step would take me.

That was another step on a journey that amazes me every day. In the past six months I have learned so much, discovered unexpected things about myself. Yet with every step along the way, I have been completely without fear. As I continue to read blogs and get to know others, I understand more and more how special that is.

I am beyond fortunate. From the very first, I have been able to submit to a man with the experience, the self-control, and the empathy to lead me along this journey. He takes care to continue to learn. I have truly never been so intensely paid attention to in all my life. In just two months, I came to trust him so much that I dropped all but my hardest limits with him. That trust continues to grow. Because of that trust, I am free to push myself and to even think about exploring one of those hard limits. To find someone worthy of that trust is a gift beyond price.

It has not always been an easy journey. The greatest battle has been with my own demons and insecurities. It is hard for me to continue to honor this bond between us, even when days go by with little opportunity to even talk to him. But I will continue to fight that battle. I am determined not to allow my insecurities to pull me away. As I have trusted him, I feel (I think, I hope) that he also trusts me. I will honor that trust, that bond.

As I have faced my fears and conquered them (usually turning them into a love of the activity!), my confidence in myself has grown. As a dear friend told me when I began this journey, "Doing scary things even though you can stop them with a word, now that creates power!" Learning that I can move beyond these fears has spread into the rest of my life. Sir generally prefers to keep his control to when I am with him, but the confidence I've gained has spread.

I talk about this a lot in my various blogs, but the feeling of peace and serenity that flows over me every time I wait for him are very precious to me. With him, I am free to be all of me, from the intelligent woman who runs conventions to his insatiable whore who will do anything to please him. I treasure that freedom. When I kneel to await him, I am in the place I long to be, I am fulfilling who I am.

Thank you Sir. Thank you for leading me each step down this journey. Thank you for being the man you, so deserving of my trust and respect. Thank you for accepting me, for freeing me, for making me feel so cherished and cared for.

My only hope is that this journey continues. The longing to serve Sir is almost overwhelming at times.